He has finally hit 3lbs and is growing strong. He is currently on 22ml of breast milk every 3 hours and 27 calories. His chest X-rays didn't come back the greatest so we are still unsure when they will try and get him off the vent.

Kingston is having a good day today. He got a new ventilator machine so he is up to the latest technology. Hopefully he will be off it soon. He has been more awake lately, which has made it fun for us to see his eyes. I think they are blue. He weighed in today at 2lb 13oz so soon he will be double his birth weight.

Got the iv out of my head today. Yeah!

No more photos!

Kingston weighed in at 2lb 12oz tonight. Soon he will be pushing 3lbs.

Just stretching out his legs.  I think he needs to work a little bit on his thighs....

He looks so tired and yet so peaceful.  Maybe he is relieved he doesn't have to do so much breathing on his own now that he is back on the vent.  The I.V. in his head doesn't see that comfortable.

Kingston hasn't had the best last couple of days. He is back on the vent so at least his nose will get a break. We have had quite a few scares and we still don't know what's wrong but he's feeling a little better right now.

Bigger nose plugs equals pissed off baby.

Mr Grumpy

Kingston has been doing ok except for a bunch of a's and b's which is when he forgets to breathe and his rate drops too. He has a few grade 3's and 4's, which aren't good so he has gone back up on some of his settings. However, he is still rocking the cpap as you can see by the picture. They also increased the size of his nose prongs so he can get a better seal. Does not look comfortable.

Monday, July 5th, 2010- letter to Kingston

My Precious Little Kington. You are such a blessing to me. I never imagined I could love someone so much as I love you. I tried for 2 years to get pregnant and the day that I found out was the happiest moment of my life! I have enjoyed every minute that you were inside my belly. I loved feeling your little kicks and daily I would look through your ultra sound pictures and get so exicited for you to come. Christian and I have loved shopping for you and picking out things for your "surfer" themed nursery. I could hardly wait for you to come.

So many emotions have gone through my head the last couple days. Friday afternoon I was low risk, 24 weeks pregnant, and carrying a healthy happy little baby! Up until this point I had felt no contractions. (I didn't even know what that would feel like) I did feel like you were really moving a lot and sometimes it put pressure on my uterus and hurt a lot. It wasn't very frequent though so I was not too alarmed. I started noticing some more discharge than usual but I had also read this was normal to experience around this time. There were a couple times during the day that I noticed a little pink tinge and I wasn't sure if I was imagining it or not but it looked like a little blood. I started to become more concerned at dinner when the pain in my uterus started becoming more frequent. By the time we were home I decided to relax on the bed and see if it would calm down. I started timing them and they seemed to be 2-4 minutes apart. I called the on-call doctor and after talking to her for a time she recommended that I go down to the hospital to get checked out. At this point I was a little embarrassed and was sure it was nothing but wanted to calm my fears. I kept telling myself I was just being a paranoid first-time mom, but still wanted the reassurance. No one seemed to be too worried or concerned when I first arrived. I was hooked up to a monitor to see if the feelings I had were contractions, and find out how far apart they were. There were some pretty big contractions and they were coming very close together. The nurse checked to see if I was dialating and suddenly things started to heat up fast. She said "Oh dear, this is not good. You are dialated to a 3. We are going to do everything we can to slow down the contractions and stop you from going into labor." She asked if I thought my water had broke and I said it had not. She, and the other nurse that was in the room, left in a hurry and then came back and started preparing me for all that was about to happen. She told me I would be moved to another room and that she was going to check for infection and wanted to give me Magnesia (which I thought she said was to slow down the contractions, but later I think it was also used to help the you) She told me it would make me feel like I had a 24 hour flu and that I would get a fever and probably through up and feel real nauscious. She also wanted to give me a steroid shot as a precaution in case you came that night. At about 2 am my water broke. I couldn't believe what was happening. I felt that things were moving to fast and could feel the concern from the caregivers. I was given a catheter and then because the magnesia wasn't slowing the contractions it was bumped up to a higher dosage. Someone from the NICU came in and started telling me what to expect if i had you that night. The doctor also tried talking to me. I threw up every time someone tried talking and everything seemed like a blur. Next thing I know I am told that I am about to be transferred to the University of Utah because they felt you will have better care at their facility. They wanted to helicopter me out of there and that really scarred me. I could tell things were bad. I denied the helicopter because I felt more comfortable going in an ambulance and I knew it would get there about the same time since we were only minutes from the other hospital. Since Shayla (your cousin) had been at primary childrens, which is adjoining the University of Utah Hospital, I felt very confident that transferring there was in the best interest for you, and that you would receive the best care there. After a long hard night and once the transfer was complete they were able to stabilize me and the contractions. They checked my cervix again and said I was only dialated to about a 1. Things were finally looking a little better. You were doing awesome. They monitored your movement and breathing and everything seemed like it was going to be ok. I finally felt a little relief and hope. Sometime on Saturday they said that I could be moved to a regular room where they would monitor me and I would be on bed rest until you came. I was hoping that this would be at least a few weeks and praying for another month. I was so concerned about the risks that delivering SO EARLY could cause. All I could think about was keeping you in my tummy for a little longer. I tried to relax and rest and slept most of the day. On Sunday, I was feeling really good. I started making little goals for myself. If I could just make it to 25 weeks than I would focus on 26 and everyday after that would be 2 less days in the NICU for my little angel. Well when they moved me down my uterus started getting irritable and I started noting everytime I thought I was having a contraction or even feeling tightness. I was monitored and you were monitored and we both seemed to be doing fine. I was a little concerned about the tightness I kept feeling but I was so thankful to have another day and praying for many more. As the day went on I started feeling more tightness and they became more frequent and got worse. I went to the bathroom just before the nurse same to give me my 8pm antibiotics through the IV. I had seen a little blood earlier and this time there was a little more and it was bright red, which was something they told me to watch for. I let the nurse know and she told the doctor. She also monitored you and me again and we both seemed to be doing great. She could see that I was maybe having small contractions but they didn't look bad or too worriesome. The doctor came in and decided to check me just because the blood. He said he wasn't too concerned but just wanted to as a precaution. I was a little scared. My legs started shaking and I couldn't seem to get them to stop. He said I was more dialated and that there was a water sack that had formed. He wanted to move me back to labor and delivery. I started breathing heavily and crying and got really, really scared again. I was so afraid for you. I wanted to protect you and keep you safe inside me and felt like I couldn't control anything and that it was out of my hands and I felt so helpless. As I was being transferred I felt a huge gush of fluid and knew that the water sack had broke. As soon as I was in labor and delivery everything sped up again so fast. They started another i.v. of magnesia for you and checked my cervix. They said you were crowning and that we had to move to the operating room to deliver. I was shaking so bad and the fever from the magnesia was starting to elevate. I had no control and I wasn't ready and I was so so scared for my precious little baby. All of a sudden the two doctors at the end are telling me to push and i'm pushing and pushing and it hurts and i'm crying and scared. After some painful pushes they have you and rush you away where they can start caring for you. (later Christian told me you just shot out) They take Christian and me back to a room to wait. At this point I was so emotionally drained and tired and more worried than I had ever been in my life. I can't even begin to describe how I felt. I wanted to feel hope that you were going to be ok and I wanted them to come tell me that you were doing good and we just had to wait there and I felt so lonely. I was so thankful to have your daddy in the room with me or I would not have been able to take it. (if I did) He was so strong and held me and held my hand and tried to comfort me. I was still with fever and shaking and crying and had so many emotions running through my body. When the doctor came in to talk with us I couldn't stop shaking and crying. He told us that you came out kicking and crying and that was the first moment of relief I felt. I wanted SO bad to see you and it broke my heart that i couldn't touch you and hold you and be there for you. I wanted answers, I wanted a plan, I wanted to know what to expect and there were just so many unknowns! I wanted to hope but I was so scared that if I hoped too much I would lose you and I didn't think I could handle that so I tried not to hope too much. But in the back of my mind I just kept thinking to myself, if anyone can pull through this its you. You are so strong and so brave and I know you are a fighter. You are so loved and so important that I know you can overcome this Huge struggle coming into the world. You are the most important person in my life and your daddy and I love you so very much. I want to give you the world and do everything I can to make you happy and safe and protect you and it's so extremely hard not being with you every minute. I don't want to get in the way of your care but everytime I leave your room all I can think about is when I get to come back.

Kingston, you were born on Sunday night at 10:45 pm on July 4th, 2010. All over the country people were celebrating with fireworks and I just hope that next year and many years to come we will be able to look back at this and celebrate your special birth and our greatest miracle.

Today was really difficult and yet there were so many precious moments that I got to have with you already that I feel so very blessed. You have been here less than 24 hours and you have already touched my life in a way that I could never have imagined. The first time that I saw you and got to cup your little foot in my hand my heart just melted. You looked so fragile and it was really scary. I wanted to let you know that I was there and how much I loved you but I didn't want to hurt your very fragile skin either. I had been very concerned that you would be in discomfort and scared and it brought peace to my heart to see you so comfortable. The nurse told us they weren't able to get your lines in and that concerned me a little but they said that they would try later. They wanted to make sure not to over stimulate you. They told me that at 8am and 2 pm each day was when they would check your temp and change your tiny little diaper that was not even half the size of the palm of my hand. Even with how tiny it still looked so big on you. I was a little excited and yet very nervous when they told me I could change you myself. When we went back at 2, I got a little scared and tried to let daddy do it first. He was less brave than I. With the nurses help, I got to lift your legs and scoot the diaper under you. I was so nervous and the warmth from the ventilator was making sweaty. I had to let her finish because I was so concerned that my inexperience would hurt you. It was still one of the two highlights of my day to be able to be a part of such a simple task that personally I was not looking forward to under normal situations. Now I can't wait to be able to try again and be able to do something that will help bring you more comfort. The other greatest highlight of my day was the first syringe I was able to bring for you with breast milk. I never imagined that I would get my milk in so early. This is also something that previously I had been warned was really difficult and uncomfortable. It may get worse if my breasts get chapped, but today everytime I was able to pump and bring that syringe of milk (only 4-9cc's) made me so proud and I felt needed and that this was the one thing that I could do that would really benefit your growth and health and that made everything so real. I like to go see you before I pump because I think it helps me think of you and picture you and makes it not seem hard at all. Anything I can do for you is such a treat! It is really hard writing right now because all I want to do is go down and see you again. I can just stare into the incubator and you don't have to do anything and I feel like I never want to leave your side. You bring me so much joy! Please know how much I love you and how much I want to be with you and hold you and I look forward to and pray for the day that I get to hold you in my arms and cuddle you against my chest. Kingston, I love you more than I could ever have imagined. Please sleep well tonight and know that you are in so many of our prayers and that you are so important to us. Love, your mommy.

Ever since Kingston received a little more blood yesterday he has been doing really well. Sometimes when they are taking blood for labs/tests they can't produce enough blood to keep up. That results in lower red blood cell counts, which in turns affects his oxygen. Very normal for babies his age, but they have weened his settings on cpap a little today and will continue till we can get him on high flow. So good day today.

It's hard to tell, but we think his eyes are blue. He hasn't had the best last few days and they say he is a hair away from being re-intibated (put back on the vent). It's really hard just watching him and not being able to do anything. I wish I could take his pain and bare his burdens, but I can't. He's a trooper and will fight through this hurdle. The frustrating part of it all is there will be yet another hurdle for him right after this one and for the most of his life.

August 16th, 2010

So I promised to keep you all updated on a consistent basis. This last Friday was pretty crazy. I got to the NICU about 3 pm and things seemed pretty heated. Kingston's potassium levels were at extremely dangerous levels. The nurses were thinking that this could be related to his kidney issue. (they had seen a blood clot there before) They ordered an emergency ultra sound to see what was going on in there. I was so nervous and freaked out. Every thought from serious chronic problems to survival were racing through my brain. They also had stopped his feeds and given him an i.v. He was getting insulin and hydrocortizone for the potassium. He was hooked up to this scary machine that was monitoring his heart better because they were really concerned about it and he almost had to be re-intubated. I couldn't handle being there while they were doing the ultrasound so i had to walk out and call Christian and tell him to get there as soon as he could. I was so worried. While I was watching, before I walked out, I saw this huge black blob in the middle of the kidney that I thought for sure must be a huge blood clot. I was too nervous to ask if that was what it was. Turns out it was fluid and there was no blood clot to be found. His air ways were visable on both sides. PHEW! So after all that, they started him back on full feeds on Saturday and took away the scary heart machine and insulin. They will contine the hydrocortizone for AWHILE. They think that his potassium got too high because they were weening him off of it, but he still needs it. Luckily, there should be no long term affects from him getting it because it is such a small amount. He seems to be pretty stable for the most part. Last night he was very apnic? ...i'm sure i spell everything wrong. and his CO2 levels were high and nurse Jackie :) thought it may be a sign of infection. Again i was so worried, but when i called back at 6 this morning after they took the labs, it seems he just needed a blood transfusion, but no sign of infection. When the doctors and nurses warned me about this experience being an up and down rollercoaster, they weren't kidding. It's been crazy. My kid is only 6 weeks old and he's already giving me grey hairs and wrinkles. :) But everytime i look at him it is so worth it. Last night Christian got to do skin to skin with him and seeing his little body in my husbands arms and the look on his face, made me realize how lucky i am to have such a wonderful little family.

Just trying to self feed himself.

His weekly progress pic with the lion.

Today was a good day. Pretty stable and growing. Once they figured out his adrenal issues his potassium has gone down and he has been cranking right along. He weighed in tonight 1010 grams, which is around 2lbs 4oz. He should really start taking off on weight now. Hopefully this coming week they will be able to ween him off the CPAP and onto a high flow.

Kingston

He is having a rough day. You can see he has some weird Madonna things on his nipples.

Last night Kingston gained 30 grams, a little over an ounce, and now weighs 2lbs 3oz.  Since changing out his nose prongs for a tighter seal he has been doing better, but still having some issues which we are trying to figure out why.  He was doing so well for the first few days on CPAP, which is why we are thinking there is something going on.  They have ruled out infection right now so away with more tests.

Putting Things Into Perspective

It is hard to tell how big Kingston is by his pictures, but this one sheds a little light on it.

August 12th, 2010

Wow, we are actually starting a blog! I always said as soon as i had a baby i would do this but it took Christian setting it up to actually write anything. I like this! Great page husband! So Kingston is 30 weeks gestationally today. (10 weeks till his due date) He will be 6 weeks old officially on Sunday. YEAH KINGSTON! He is almost 2 kilos (2 lbs 2 oz) and is about 13 inches long. I think later i will post about my birth experience but i still need to edit it. (i wrote it down right after i gave birth but haven't gone through it all yet) To give a current update: He went on CPAP about a week ago. (This is a machine that helps him breathe on his own) He was doing awesome and almost moved to high flow but then he started having a bunch of A's and B's (Apnea and Bradychardia) where his heart rate drops way down and he quits breathing. The nurses were concerned he was getting an infection but the lab results came back good so we are pretty sure it's not that. He had to move way up on his settings though which is discouraging, but we are glad that he is not getting sick. We think it may have been that the tubes in his nose weren't getting a good seal and so he wasn't getting all the air he needed. Today they moved to bigger tubes and he's improved. (Only one grade 1 today) Grade 1: means he drops and doesn't come back on his own but he does with light touch. (He had three Grade 4's yesterday which are really scary) Grade 4: they have to mask and bag him because he doesn't come back.

Every day we feel so blessed to have this little miracle in our lives. It's amazing how someone so small can mean so much! We are so greatful for all the wonderful people in our lives who have been praying so hard for him and have been so thoughtful. We love you all!